| new stuff. i felt like this...i don't know why. there is music, it just takes a while to warm up. if you want to listen to it, just wait.
so she's gone. one of the best friends that i've ever been blessed enough to have is...gone. at this point, she's probably somewhere still in california, but not for long. i woke up this morning and thought, what am i doing today? i know, ill call m-. but no. i won't call marta. because i can't hang out with marta. because soon she'll be starting her new life in indiana, and i'll be a part of her past. it's hard for me, so i can't imagine how hard it must be for her.
yesterday was the final goodbye. marta, kendall, tara, janessa, and i went to jamba juiec and walked back to marta's. we kept trying to realize what was happening, i think especially me and marta. i knew i had to get something out before she left. i don't think i ever actually accomplished that.
we almost made it the whole night without crying, but then, at like 9:30 as we stood on marta's front porch and looked at janessa's dad in the car waiting for her, kendall started to cry, which set off me and tara, which led to janessa, and finally marta. it only liasted a few minutes, and it didn't really help. we all just sort of stood there awkwardly, crying. then janessa left and kendall's mom and nik came. the crying, by that time, was long gone. she said goodbye to them and kendall, ms denise, and nik left, soon followed by mrs davies, tara, and nick.
so, as usual, i was the last one, but i didn't mind. i saw my mum drive up and all of the sudden part of it (because i really don't think it's all there yet) hit me, and more genuine tears came. it was awkward, crying in front of our moms...i didn't want to leave. we just stood there in her driveway crying and hugging each other...eventually i had to get in the car, and it was one of the hardest things i'll ever have to do. my family gives me sympathy, but i don't want it. that was, besides pippin's death, the saddest day of my life.
marta: you thanked me for always being there for you, for being a great friend, and i didn't say anything. i couldn't, and i'm sorry, so i want to make sure you know how great you were to me. how my life wouldn't be the same had i not met and become great friends with you. i don't know what cyt will be like, what boring days will be like, what writing and dreaming up stories will be like, what watching movies will be like. you and memories of you are everywhere...gosh you should see me crying here. im acting like you're dead or something...but you're not. and if you want, and if i can, i'll come to indiana...whenever. because i'm not going to lose one of the greatest people that this world has to offer...i'll miss you so much...you don't even know.
quote: "Praising what is lost Makes the remembrance dear." said by one of our favorites, mr. william shakespeare.
**want something happier? read the entry below if you already haven't. it still makes me smile. on eof the best days i've had in a while...so closely followed by this...** |
